Let me share a hard conversation story. I was coaching a leader last month, and I was told about Sarah, who sat across from one of her team members, Tom, in what she anticipated would be a tense performance discussion. And wow, her nerves were frying fast. From her perception, Tom was disengaged, his productivity had dropped, and he seemed unwilling to collaborate. As she prepared to lay out her concerns, she began with an open, curious question, asking Tom how he was travelling with his role. Tom, with a deep sigh, shared his perspective—his father was ill, and he had been balancing work with late-night hospital visits. He wasn’t disengaged; he was exhausted and struggling.

Sarah had a choice: stick to her perception and risk damaging the working relationship, or integrate Tom’s perspective to make her perception richer and more useful. She chose the latter, shifting from confrontation to collaboration, offering flexibility, and reinforcing trust.

This story highlights a critical lesson: what you perceive is only one part of the picture—to lead effectively through hard conversations, you need the other person’s perspective to fill in the gaps. So we must always be curious first in order to learn perspective. Simple but truly life-changing.

The Science Behind Perception & Perspective 

Research in leadership and psychological safety suggests that our brains are wired for self-preservation, meaning we can often perceive workplace conflicts as personal threats. This cognitive bias—the fundamental attribution error—makes us assume others’ behaviors are due to character flaws rather than external circumstances. Leaders who take the time to be curious and seek out different perspectives can counteract this bias and make more informed, empathetic decisions  .

Recent studies also show that organisations that foster open, curious, perspective-taking cultures report higher employee engagement, retention, and problem-solving capabilities. This ultimately changes how we go into hard conversations and their outcomes.

Bridging the Gap: Action Steps for Leaders 

To ensure that your perception evolves with their perspective, consider these strategies:

 1. Start with curiosity, not conclusions. 

Before assuming the worst, ask, “Can you help me understand your perspective on this?” A simple question shifts the conversation from judgment to discovery  .

 2. Listen actively. 

Listen for phrases like “That’s right” instead of “You’re right.” This subtle shift acknowledges that you have understood their experience, fostering trust.

 3. Regulate before you react. 

When emotions run high, practice self-regulation by pausing, taking a breath, and responding with a curious question rather than reacting  .

 4. Seek ‘unique moments.’ 

Look for breakthrough insights that arise in difficult conversations. These moments often lead to creative, win-win solutions  .

 5. Circle back. 

Hard conversations shouldn’t be one-offs. Follow up with a simple check-in to reinforce the connection and ensure that both perspectives are still aligned  .

The Leadership Edge: Learn the Art of Mastering Hard Conversations 

Hard conversations shape the culture of your workplace. When leaders master the balance between perception and perspective, they cultivate psychological safety, improve team dynamics, and make decisions that truly serve the whole picture.

If you’re ready to take your leadership skills to the next level, join our Mastering Hard Conversations in the Workplace course. You’ll gain the strategies, mindset, and confidence to turn every difficult conversation into an opportunity for growth.

Sign up today to start transforming the way you lead.